It's over.
It feels as though I have just emerged from some epic battle alongside Niffers in this aspect, to say that it's over. It's not really over, I know this but for now, we have done all we could, should, and would do for them and never got anything but deception in return.
But it hurts.
It hurts to say it's over....I've come to know Jareth and Pahlin and the entire realm of fae as home, but I can't stand this anymore. I had enough...so I guess its not that I gave up, it's that I have had enough of this and basically...the message to Voldimort, to Jareth, to the councils, to everyone who's put Niffs and I through all of this constant turmoil and waiting, this betrayel and misery, was for them to fuck off and go rot in the seventh pit of hell, after all, it's reserved for betrayers and mutinere's is it not?
And betray us they did.
It is no wonder I felt so abandoned, so betrayed by Jareth...By the very worlds I found such sanctuary in before.
I said goodbye, I said fuck off, I say that it's over. But it's never really over...I am what I am and who I am and I can never live a normal life for the magickal side of things will always be prominent to me. I will always be running from something, someone.
My past is worse than Niffer's...I have literal demons after me, I have enimies. Why is it that the people I put my trust into always end up proving my decision to trust them as being a huge mistake? Why do they always end up betraying me, abandoning me, leaving me?
Is this karma coming back to bite me in the arse for everything I've done in my life, or haven't done as the case may be?
I am not a puppet on a string, I am not here to be used at the gods discretion as a weapon or a hero or a scapegoat or whatever they intend on using me for this time. I am a living, breathing, thinking, feeling, being who has had enough.
But still it hurts.
To say goodbye to a this aspect of my life, I am saying goodbye to my very heritage and to people who I suppose once upon a time cared about me. Jareth once thought of me as a little sister, or a neice, as family. I loved him as family, he WAS family...no longer are those doors open to me it seems, nor those arms.
I do not understand Jareth, but I understand enough to realize that even though there were a lot of times I was most happy through all these years, there was more misery than anything else there. Too many unanswered questions, to many avoidances, to many reasons why I couldn't know about my very life...about things that concerned me and Niffs....you know very well how far things got.
You should have known...why didnt you know?? Why didnt you see what it was doing to us??
LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE BLOODY WELL REDUCED US TO DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL! YOU'VE CUASED ME NOTHING BUT GREIF! MISERY! DEPRESSION! SO MUCH WORRY! I FEEL SO OLD BUT EVNE BY DEMON AND ELVISH STANDARDS I AM YOUNG! SO MUCH HATE DIRECTED TOWARDS YOU RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!
I'm somewhere between and emotional shutdown and a bloodlust worse than anything I've ever experienced before in my life.
It's a numb feeling...not pleasant anymore, but for a while there it was.
For now, it's over. We've said our peice, we've finished it. Whatever happens happens and we have no control over it.
For the time being...it is inherently finished.
It's up to them now.
So for now, it is also a goodbye.
~Aviarianna~
Keep it up 
Bravenet Blog 
Blog Community
Get a Free Blog
Manage your Blog
bravenet.com