I was afraid...I was afraid of losing him. I know he needs time but telling his workers to distance themselves from Niffers? I don't know whats going on but I suppose I should have realized it the moment I confessed to him exactly what I confessed in the entry that I put before this one.
I feel...so guilty. I don't understand why, but everytime I do something like this, everytime I go at something, risking, with the utmost best of intentions, something goes wrong, wires get crossed and misunderstandings abound to mess up whatever was supposed to be nothing more than defending a friend or confessing my heart.
I was so afraid! I still am! I wrote the story that I'm going to put in this entry that very night, why oh why didnt I see the forshadowing...Perhaps I'm still a fool...I don't know. I'm crying right now...literally crying over this whole situation. WHY CAN'T IT EVER GO RIGHT???? WHY MUST IT ALWAYS GO WRONG???????
Why...ugh.
I will say this much...niffers...make sure he reads these entries...please. If you can even get near him...Make sure he knows how sorry I am.
Oh yeah...heres the story...
A short yet tragic tale by Aviarianna O’ Lorien
“I’m sorry…” The voice was timid, weak, and hesitant and he didn’t have to look at her to tell she was crying but the tears that poured down her face made his heart clench painfully.
“Sorry…for what?” his voice was held impeccably neutral even though tears threatened to stream down his face as well.
“Everything.” She replied as if it explained everything.
“Everything…”He repeated knowing full well that it explained everything and nothing at the same time.
“Yes…everything. I know I love you and that I hurt you terribly because I love you. I know that I was a blind fool and that I did more harm than good. I was told to either risk loosing you or loose you for good. I never wanted this to happen. I was never expecting you to come into my life.” The tears came harder and faster then they had a moment ago, rendering her unable to continue if in fact she had anymore to say.
“You…”
“I…”She sniffled and took a deep, shaking breath to steady her shaking voice. “was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” His piercingly blue yet violet eyes locked onto her own, pained to see the deep-seated sadness and pain in her chocolate colored eyes.
“Losing you.” She looked down, not able to take his stare. “I still don’t know if I can stop the pain.”
“It doesn’t hurt…not really.” He tried to convince her of her misconception, even though she had in fact hurt him. The thing was, he understood better than she knew why it was so hard for her. Why she couldn’t base the decision on just her heart.
“Don’t lie to me. You know full well that I hurt you worst of all.” She stood up then, walking slowly to him and placing a pale hand to his own pale cheek in a gentle touch of affection. “I hurt you…the person I love more than anything in the world.” She placed a chaste kiss to his lips and moved towards the door of darkened wood, stopping only once to glance back at the man she loved, unsure of weather or not she could ever face him again. “I’ll be around…”She whispered, knowing he could hear her and left, walking slowly down the hall in a tear induced haze.
“I love you too…” He whispered to the now closed door, fearing that it may have been too late to admit it.
~End of my short yet tragic tale~
May you have a better week them I am...
~Aviarianna~
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