Love can be so complicated...wow. You know...I didn't expect to have Willy Wonka as a mental house guest but it happened anyway. After my darling niffs pushed him towards my head, he decided to stay. At first he was just an adorible, okay...HOT and randomly hilariously cute man taking up some space in my mind. But the like soon turned into something more, something I did not expect to happen. I love the man...and I was such a blind fool...even though we did have our moments I still was denying to myself that he saw me as anything other than a weird friend. But doesnt that pose just the most horrible problem in existence?
We are from seperate worlds...quite literally. And me? I'm torn to peices over this.
Why can't I just make the decision based upon where my heart lies?? Why?! I'll tell you why...becuase of the fact that he's in one world, and I'm in this one. Physically, we are in two seperate realms of existence. Were I to break up with my boyfriend whom...as much as it hurts me to say, I tell I love with much less sincerity then I should, but if I were to break up with him over Willy...who is not physically here...imagine the reactions. I've seen what not factoring in things like that does. I see it everyday when I look at my sister and how she's not aloud to see her kids and HAS to see a therapist and a psychologist.
I've asked to gods for help but it's quite clear they hate me. I don't blame them really...after all, I pretty much refuse to do what they want me too. They have no power over me in that aspect. I may have less free well than most of you but I still have some and I choose to use it. Still...they owe me a few favors but I'm not stupid. I can try to cash in on them...but it won't happen. All I need is some guidance...something to tell me that it's okay to finally let my heart decide.
It hurts so badly. And I know that it's hurting Willy as well...it kills me to know that I'm hurting him probably more than I'm hurting becuase of this whole situation.
If I could base this decision completely upon where my heart truly lies then it would be Willy hands down. I love him, no question about it. But I can't base it soley upon my heart...and I hate this fact. It's a hard decision becuase of everything else that has to go into it. I know no one said it was going to be easy but no one said it was going to be this hard eithor.
As it's been put to me, eithor I risk loosing him, or I loose him forever. That just makes me freeze up even more. I don't want to even risk loosing him but...I'm just lost as to how to solve this dillema without loosing him.
I don't know what to do. And I'm afraid that eithor way I WILL lose him...
I'm afraid.